Grieving is a part of life and we are all confronted with it one day. However, it is less common when you are young. Mourning in young people is rarer than in adults. It is an ordeal in life for which we are never prepared. But being well surrounded and giving yourself time to experience your emotions brings comfort and can help make grieving easier.
Young people and grief
Everyone’s grieving process is unique and every young person grieves in their own way. It is a painful and difficult process. We may grieve the death of a loved one, but also the death of a pet. It is normal that the feelings of absence and the pain of having lost a loved one forever disrupt daily life for some time.
When you are young, you have rarely been confronted with death. Moreover, it is a difficult subject that is not often dealt with by society. Books and movies don’t always portray the entirety of grieving processes, or can present one that is far different from reality.
Indeed, when we talk about the grieving process, it does not mean that we must follow predefined steps. Nor does it mean that once the grieving process is complete, one will no longer feel sadness. There is no umbrella solution or process that works for everyone.
The death of a person or a pet is a step that marks our lives forever. So the grieving process is mostly about experiencing and feeling your emotions, often ones you’ve never felt before, and giving yourself time. Then one day, talking about the one we miss will not be as upsetting. There will come a time where their absence will be experienced more serenely.
How long does mourning last?
It depends on each person and it can last weeks, months, or even years. There are other elements that can change how long grieving lasts such as the relationship with the person or animal, the conditions of the death, etc.
What happens during the mourning process?
A person who is grieving often experiences many emotions. It is normal to feel grief, sadness, sometimes anger, confusion, guilt or anxiety.
It is normal to want to isolate yourself because of the pain you are feeling, which makes you “see everything in black”. But it is important to talk about what you are going through and to spend time with people with whom you feel comfortable.
And when we experience the loss of a loved one, we can go through many emotional stages.
The stage of shock
To learn of someone’s death is shocking and their passing is hard to imagine. It is hard to believe that it is true and often one will find oneself in a state of shock. The reactions are different from one person to another: being unable to react, emotional paralysis, starting to cry, etc.
The stage of profound sadness
This stage is much longer than the previous one. We may try to hold onto a little bit of the person that we lost by looking at pictures, by recovering some of their things to feel closer.
It is also a phase during which one can feel a whole range of strong emotions. Sadness, anger and frustration, for example, may arise uncontrollably. It is important to be careful not to blame your emotions on others. Instead, seek comfort in whatever way you can.
The stage of appeasement
At this stage, the sadness is less and the times when you feel bad become less and less. You are able to fully reinvest in your life, although there may be ups and downs for a while.
Remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve and that each person reacts as they can. Your feelings are normal and there are many ways to go through grief. It is a completely personal experience.
How to make the process of mourning a little more peaceful?
You might think that after a few months, the grieving is over and life will go on as before. But sometimes it takes longer. That is why it is important to give yourself time and to be patient with yourself.
Taking care of yourself and seeking comfort are good ways to experience grief a little more serenely:
- It is possible to reminisce with people who are close to you and who knew the loved one who has left you.
- Spend time with people you feel comfortable with, whether they are family members or friends.
- Being able to confide in someone about how you feel is important. Even if it has been months or years since the person’s death.
- Take time for yourself by doing activities you usually enjoy. It’s best to avoid isolating yourself, but instead try to take your mind off things.
- Try to sleep and eat well, even if it is not always easy. This will help you have the energy to get through your grief.
- Think of small activities that make you feel better and do them with your friends and family. For example, you can watch a movie with a cup of hot chocolate, go to the movies, play a sport or a game that you particularly like, etc.
How can I help a friend who is grieving?
There are many ways to be present and supportive of someone who is grieving:
- Stay with the person when he or she needs to talk or wants to cry. There is nothing to say or do in particular, as the mere presence of a trusted person is already a wonderful support.
- You can let your friend understand that you are available if needed.
- Avoid judging his or her emotions. Remember that everyone experiences grief differently.
- Suggest activities that your friend usually likes to do.
If you are worried about your friend, you can also seek advice from a crisis line like Tel Jeunes.
Sources
Livre : Accompagner un jeune en deuil de Josée Masson éd. Trécarré
